A few weeks ago, I had a dream that we were living in a house floating above the clouds. It’s probably because we’ve just rewatched “Oblivion”, that Tom Cruise movie from 2013. I know, its so futuristic but the photo (above) is very similar to the house in my dream.
It was a fine, clear day. Everyone was at home — yes, even my parents were there. We were having the usual family banter, probably talking about religion or something that warrants a debate. Everyone was busy talking while B was just playing within view. We were so engrossed with our discussion that none noticed that B started walking towards the ledge.
From the corner of my eye, I saw that she was already climbing up the rails. I stood up and tried to be calm so I won’t startle her but I know it’s already too late. She would fall and I’m still a few feet away. By the time I got to the rails, she was already free falling. It was like watching somebody fall without parachute. Scratch that, it was exactly watching somebody fall without parachute and nobody could do anything!
As I watch my only child fall, I reached out my hand and shouted, “hold on, Blakey!!” … but deep inside me I know that I won’t see her ever again. Huge waves of pain engulfed me. My heart felt as if it was being squeezed and yet I can’t stop looking at my first born falling quickly to her death. As if her seeing me looking at her would at least give her courage and know that its going to be ok.
But it’s not ok. My baby is gone.
Good thing it was just a dream. I woke up still in pain. I felt so helpless. I held on to B a little tighter and went back to sleep.
A friend of mine said that the dream doesn’t really mean that something bad will happen to B. Usually, in dreams, falling is related to anxiety. That you are losing control of things and that your subconscious is telling you to reasses. It’s like you’re taking a leap of faith but you know you shouldn’t. That you should plan more. Or something like that.
There are things in our life right now that needs to be addressed and yes, I am taking a leap of faith. But, I still have time to plan. Hopefully when the time comes, we don’t end up just falling.
I guess its time to focus on my “screw you” fund more closely.