D – Day

I couldn’t wait for morning.  I had to do it because somehow I already knew the answer. While singing Alicia Keys’ “It Doesn’t Mean Anything”, I peed on a stick.

all at once…i had it all
but it doesn’t mean anything
now that you’re gone
from above seems i had it all
but it doesn’t mean anything
since you’re gone

I have no idea why I was singing that song but as I was belting out the chorus, this is what’s in front of me:

I was all like…. shit shit shit!!!

Definitely I tossed and turned all night. A lot was going through my head and I just can’t process it. At one point I said to myself that I should have just waited for morning so I could have a good night’s rest.

The following morning I decided to drop by the pharmacy again and buy a more expensive HPT. I kept thinking maybe its a false positive since I used a cheap brand. Or the paracetamol I took somehow affected my test. That’s just me trying to find some excuse.

As soon as I got to the office, I did the test again.

It doesn’t get more clear than that.

I’ll be honest, I was freaking out. I freaked out for almost 3 days. I thought about my plans, my goals. Everything is going to change. It’s all weird and scary…

…

but its also something I’ve been wanting for a long time. In different circumstances, I would have been jumping for joy. I would have been crying and shouting and spreading the good news. But I can’t. Not yet.

I’m just hoping that things will work out … because this… this is the ultimate blessing.